i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
