and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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