he shaved USA in his pubs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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