Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
