I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
