I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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