you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
