my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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