A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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