wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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