I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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