swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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