i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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