Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think people are normalizing furries
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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