meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
