All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
