Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
