her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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