where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
