i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
