uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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