He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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