there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
