Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize