is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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