4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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