he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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