I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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