I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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