I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
