i just had sex bonerless
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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