Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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