I puked a lego.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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