Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were trust falling into bushes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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