just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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