I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize