You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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