So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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