Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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