I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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