Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
