I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
