Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
