But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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