he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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