so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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