She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
