Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
