great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
