mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
its liver damage thursday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize