I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
