She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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