i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
