Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
