Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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