he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
