I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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