I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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