had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
