You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
