Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
