you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize