12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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