Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
