I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
